Have you ever wanted something so bad that you're willing to do whatever it takes to get it? Have you ever wanted something so bad that it's a constant part of your everyday prayer, even if you know it may not be the best for you? Have you ever gotten that something then realized how much you really don't want it? Recently I've gone through this. There was something that I wanted so bad, even though I knew it wasn't what God wanted for me and it wasn't healthy for me. I didn't care. I prayed about it, thought about it, had dreams about it, and it was a constant in conversations with friends. I knew God was saying, "Isha, this isn't what I have for you... not yet. I have blessed you beyond measure yet you still ask for more" My response? "I know God and I'm grateful (I wasn't truly grateful or I wouldn't have been asking for more) but I REALLY want this. I know, I know-it may not be the best, but come on God! Haven't I done a lot for you? Have I not given up my comfort, my time, my money, my status for you? I'm only asking for this ONE thing" Well, lo and behold I got what I wanted. But once I had it, I mean, really had it, I discovered that it wasn't what I thought it was going to be like.
If you don't know the story of Israel, let me give you a synopsis. Israel was God's chosen nation-His people. He had removed them from slavery, given them tons of land and riches, and had truly blessed them beyond measure. He LOVED this nation and the people. However, one day (probably like years) Israel asks God for a king. They plead with him stating that "All the other nations have kings" (Now if you're a parent or work with kids you know EXACTLY what this sounds like... "but mom, ALL the other kids have it. Why can't I?" Funny how things remain the same,even thousands of years later) So God responds back with "You are my chosen people and this is not the path that I have chosen for you. I have called you to a life of freedom and a higher standard than all the other nations. A king is not what I have for you." So Israel responds back (and I imagine them doing so in a "2 year old throwing a fit" manner. There may have even been stomping of feet.) "BUT GOD!! We really want a king!" So what does God do? He "blesses" their wish and gives them a king. Shortly down the road, Israel realizes that the king they got, was not what they expected. He was horrible, mean, and out right evil" But God let them suffer for some time. Later of course God does His thing, and truly blesses them with King David who is known as "A man after God's own heart"
So... what does my life have to do with Israel? Well folks, for a short time (even though it felt like forever) I truly thought to myself "oh man! I'm freakin' Israel right now! I wanted a king, got one, and now I don't want it. I felt like God was telling me, "Isha, you have to figure this one out on your own. I gave you countless ways out of this and you chose to desire and pursue it anyway. I love you, just like I loved Israel, but for now you have to do this by yourself. I'm here with you, just not the way you may want" Let you me tell you something, those few days of feeling like Israel were the hardest days. I've never really felt alone. I knew God was RIGHT there with me, fighting for me, but I have to say that I really felt abandoned. I knew I had made a wrong choice in wanting something that wasn't in God's will and I had to figure it out. Crazy part of it is, I almost considered "turning" and surrendering all that I had fought for to simply give in.
Don't worry, there's a bright side to this story. I was driving home from church the other day and realized "I'm not Israel. I'm more like Peter. Now Peter was an AWESOME guy. In the gospels Peter and John are constantly being chosen by Jesus to go with him and he gave them A LOT of authority, probably more so than the other disciples. Well Peter was the one who denied knowing Jesus 3 times in a row during his trial and crucifixion, even though he told Jesus "I'll never deny you" I don't know about you, but if I was Peter I'd feel like crap. You just denied knowing your best friend, and the very Savior of your life. After denying Him, Jesus dies on the cross and Peter is left in this middle ground. "Am I forgiven? How could I just do something like that? Who am I to deny everything I know to be true?" It never mentions it, but I'm sure Peter was beating himself up over it. Well after Jesus is resurrected He makes a point to go visit Peter and reinstate him. He knew how broken Peter was over it and made sure to tell him how much He loved him. That his mistake, his choice, did not mean that God was done with him yet or the plan for his life. Peter later became the very rock of which the Church started (Acts 2:41).
I came to the conclusion, that although I felt like I was Israel, I truly am more like Peter. Peter, made a stupid choice and felt horrible for it, but God wasn't finished with him yet. He used him to bring over 3,000 souls to the Kingdom. Our choices do not dictate whether or not God's plan for us changes. He sees my heart, knows my true desires and I am overly confident that God is not finished with me yet, even if I was like Israel wanting something that isn't healthy.
My challenge(s) this week: 1)Be content with what you have and where you're at in life. If you are living out the will of God and have a heart to serve/please Him, you will be blessed beyond measure. 2) If you've made a choice that you know isn't best for you, do not lose hope. God is not finished with you yet and His love for you outweighs any choice or decision you've made. God has a higher purpose for each of us and if you are willing to follow Him, He will make straight your paths.
BLESSINGS!!
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