I've come to learn a lot about myself while living here in Jersey. One of those things is that I have NO CLUE what I'm doing. Yes, I know how to take care of the kids. Yes, I know what I'm doing from day to day ( I thank my friend Jo'd for instilling in my the passion to have a plan). Yes, I know that I'm called to a life of ministry and missions (however that looks). Outside of those things, I have no clue. For the longest time I always had a plan. I knew where I was going every month, I knew who I would see everyday, I knew what my life would look like (haha!.. so much for that now). I guess God thought that was a funny joke and decided to change things up on me.
Here in Jersey, I have no clue if I'm going to go to school. I don't know if I'm ever going to complete my degree, I don't know where I'm to serve in ministry, I don't know what I'm doing every month other than working mon-fri and hoping for fun on the weekends. I just don't know.... I sort of lost my sense of confidence. I had defined myself by what I was doing which can be easy to do. When meeting someone its common to get questions such as "Where do you work?" "What do you do on your free time?" "Where did/are you go/going to school?" and "What organizations/events are you involved in?" So in losing my confidence, I had to find it somewhere.. right?
I've found confidence that God knows exactly what He has planned. He is the Author of my life. He knows where I've been, where I'm at, and where I'm to go. He has the most amazing and perfect plan for me... the one catch to that perfect plan? Letting go of all that I have planned. I can sit here and say "by June I want to accomplish this? or "After completing my job here I want to do this or that" but in James 4:13-15 it says
13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”"
I have no clue what I'm doing, but I'm confident in my lack of confidence that everything is going to work out because God is in charge.
I am asking for prayers. I want direction in where to serve and for God to reveal His purpose in my life. I know that I moved to Jersey for a reason. God did not pull me out of my comfortable life in Vegas for no reason. I know God has a plan and a purpose for Him and for His kingdom and I beg of you to please pray for God's perfect will in my life.
Blessings,
God is doing a NEW THING in you, Isha! When you remove the walls that hold you in, and give you the shape that defines you, it is difficult, but it also makes you moldable, like clay, and let God redefine you, building you in a new shape. You will always be who you are, but what you thought you were going to be might be completely different than what God has decided to mold you into. I love how you wait in expectation, hope & confidence that God will do this for you. Love you very much!!
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing :] I know its hard, but God is using you every day in little ways. That family is blessed to have you, and so is that little girl. You may be fulfilling tour reasons for being out there and might not even know it yet. The seeds your planting in the relationships you have with people are being set for God to do some harvesting in everyone's life :] I love you and Im proud of you.
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